


Fiery Consumption

by violet_quill



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Ficlet, Fifteen Minute Fic, Historical, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-24
Updated: 2010-11-24
Packaged: 2017-10-13 08:46:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/135379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_quill/pseuds/violet_quill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joan of Arc burns, and an angel and a demon discuss sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fiery Consumption

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2004 for 15minuteficlets.

Flames fought each other in the sky. They rose, away from the pyre, but farther down the white-hot core reflected in a spectator's black eyes. He turned them away, and was surprised when they came to rest on a familiar figure standing next to him.

"Fancy meeting you here, Aziraphale," he mumbled, not sure if his voice was even audible above the dull roar of the cheering crowd.

"I could say the same, Crowley," his companion responded, sounding weary. "Though I suppose you are justified in inspecting your handiwork."

"Actually, I had nothing to do with this," Crowley snapped. "If I had to take a guess, I'd say it has your people's fingerprints all over it."

Aziraphale said nothing.

"That's what I thought." The demon sounded almost triumphant. "Had the Metatron yammering in the poor girl's ear, didn't they? Gave her just enough information and resources to be of help for a while and then dumped her on England's doorstep so that she could be another martyr in their trophy case?"

The angel's face fell. "I _wanted_ to help her," he wailed. "They wouldn't let me - you're right, it's been far too long since we've had a proper martyr burned at the stake. When this is all over it'll be a big blow for _your_ people, you know - everyone will realize that the trial was a sham and an innocent girl has died. And France wins." He raised an eyebrow. "You really had nothing to do with that trial?"

Crowley looked offended. "Does that seem like my style? Besides, I've been in Mexico for several weeks. There's this guy named Montezuma that... well. You know me, you can imagine."

"I can imagine." Aziraphale's eyes flicked back to the flames. "That poor girl. Did you know that the only thing they could finally convict her on was the crime of dressing in men's clothing?"

Crowley shook his head. "I know I ask you this all the time, but are you sure that everyone up there knows what they're doing? She's a virgin, you know."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Aziraphale asked irritably.

The demon sighed, looking sadly at the now unrecognizable figure consumed by the fire. "It just makes it that much more tragic, don't you think? She was a decent looking girl, you know, and yet she'll never know the pleasures of the flesh..."

" _I've_ never known the pleasures of the flesh."

"Well, that's your choice, isn't it? I've certainly _offered_..."

"I don't think my superiors would think well upon my bedding down with a demon."

Crowley shrugged. "Sex isn't a sin, you know. You probably just think it's too messy."

"You're trying to tempt me."

"No, my feathered friend, temptation is much like seduction, and if I were going to seduce you I can think of much better ways to go about it than a simple offer."

Aziraphale frowned, and then gestured towards the flames. "Well, sex isn't messier than - than _that_."

"Oh, great. You're comparing sex with me to the agony of death by fiery consumption? Thanks, Aziraphale. My prick won't recover for a week."

"It's not a _real_ prick, you know, Crowley, it's just..."

"I know what it is, thank you!" The demon seemed distinctly ruffled at this point, and it was just about the time that the flames were beginning to recede.

"So you really just came because you felt sorry for the girl?" Aziraphale asked after a moment, looking thoughtfully at Crowley.

"No, you stupid lump, I came because I thought you would be here. God _damn_ , I hope the Apocalypse comes soon; I'm not sure how many more centuries I can stand with your company."

"Missed me, did you?" the angel asked cheerfully, trotting after Crowley as he began to stalk away.

"Oh, go choke on a halo."


End file.
